Lost soul
by ShadowKissed-Deni
Summary: My version of BP. Rose is on her way to kill the man she loves, but can she really do it? Things get strange when she finds Dimitri's.... ghost? Rose is going to learn a whole heck more about being shadow-kissed...
1. Heartbreak and Confusion

**I hope everyone enjoys this! I'm new to all this so don't be too hard on me!**

**R&R Please!!!**

**Without further ado, please start reading my story!!!**

**DISCLAIMER: Characters and etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**:)**

**-Deni**

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I was just walking along the side of the road, thinking. I hadn't gotten far from the academy yet. I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing a t-shirt with a pair of jeans and some comfortable sneakers, nothing special. As well as a huge coat wrapped around me, one that reminded me of… _him_.

"How am I supposed to do this?" I said aloud not realising I did until I heard footsteps behind me. Damn. They must've heard me talking to myself.

"Alone? Ya, I don't know how either, my little dhampir."

I didn't even have to think to know who it was. I turned around and saw Adrian who was just standing there with a smirk. God, I hated his attitude sometimes. He had an odd look to his face though, even with his odd kinda evil smirk, his eyes were filled with joy. God help me, he really was just happy to see well, _me_. I felt guilty since I just couldn't return his feelings, but I just felt anger inside of me as well. Why did he have to follow me? My anger came out with my smart ass attitude.

"What are you doing here Adrian?" I asked in a harsh and serious tone.

"Why I'm here to help you. Surely you can't do this alone." He replied, looking a bit hurt.

"Help me what? You want to take advantage of me? Well I'm not stupid, you jerk! I have no interest in jerks who only want my body like you." I said coldly.

He looked so hurt like I stabbed him in the heart. Actually, he probably felt that way. I felt a huge rush of regret enter my body. What was I saying? After he helped me with money and all, here I am being a huge bitch to him. Jeez Rose, stop being so impulsive I scolded myself. I should have had more self control, it was what Dimitri had… well tried to teach me. But every sense of my self control was ripped from me when I left him in that cave. Damn that cave. I wish that I could just destroy it along with all those stupid Strigoi in there. I was getting all worked up in my thoughts and it showed on my face. I didn't come back to reality until I heard Adrian turning away and walking away from me. I saw a tear escape from the corner of his eye as he turned.

"Wait!" I called out to him. He turned to face me with red eyes. Not red like a Strigoi's though, but still red enough to tell me that he cried for a long time while I was lost in my thoughts. Wow, I must've been in my head for like… forever.

"What is it? You want to break my heart _even more_? You haven't had enough pleasure from stabbing my heart a million times?" His voice was getting louder, almost shouting. He looked so hurt and I felt a pain in my chest from what he was saying and how he looked.

"No Adrian I….." The words couldn't come fast enough and he started to run away. After training with Dimitri, I was definitely able to catch up to Adrian and pulled him into me gripping his shirt, without breaking a sweat.

"Listen. I'm sorry about what I said and I didn't mean it. I let my emotions take hold of me and acted recklessly." Wow I thought. I actually sounded grown up for once, this was very rare. He looked at me with saddened eyes and let out a big sigh.

"Plus you can't come with me. I can't risk a Royal Moroi's life." I said in a very guardian like tone. But the thing is, I didn't even graduate, I dropped out before officially becoming a guardian. Me using that tone was kinda funny. But I was in no situation to be laughing right now. I was dead serious. I gave him that look that said _'go'_ in a very frightening way. He flinched. He was silent for a while but started to talk again.

"Fine. But promise me that you'll use that bank account I set up for you. Plus don't block me out of your dreams. Be safe my little dhampir." He left it at that and he gave me a peck on the cheek. He looked me in the eyes and tried to look happy, but I saw through it. He looked like I just broke his heart, then reached out and took it from his chest, then stamped and jumped on it, and then finally, burned it.

I nodded in agreement even though I knew I would never let him intrude my dreams again. We started to separate and then Adrian turned back around, which I saw in my peripheral vision. Oh no, I thought.

"Plus don't forget that other promise to me." He said in a flirtatious tone and winked at me. I was glad that he was back to his old self again… actually, not too glad.

Oh god, I thought.

I continued up the road and I looked back behind me. Good, Adrian was out of sight. I just kept walking, thinking hard again like before, except Adrian couldn't interrupt me this time. I let out a sigh of relief.

I was deep in my thoughts once again.

'What the heck? How did I get in this stupid situation anyway?' Then it hit me. _I was the one who suggested going to the caves in the first place._ It was my entire fault. Dimitri's life had been taken because of me. I hated myself so much.

'Now I'm on my way to kill the love of my life, the person that I love even more than Lissa.' I let out a huge sigh. God my life was depressing.

'Rose, it's ok. It's the only way you can gain redemption. You have to take his life; he would want you to do it. It was the promise you made to him in that van.' I thought to myself.

I looked around me, I was alone. Of course I was alone! I was losing my mind. I touched the stake attached to my belt to reassure myself that I could take on anything, except maybe, killing my soul mate. In fact, I received that stake from my soul mate, he said that I earned it. Before I knew it, I was crying like I hadn't in a long time. Which I actually hadn't. I let all my emotions flow out.

'How can I kill him? _Him? _He was hard to take down already as a dhampir. He'll be even stronger as a Strigoi. Heck he'll even have powers!'

I felt a strong chill as the icy wind blew across my tear covered face.

"You're too in over your head Rose" I said aloud to myself.

I was consumed in my thoughts for one last time.

'He's not the same person. He's not the man you love anymore. Well… _loved_. All that we had before. Gone. When you see him, you can't hold back Rose. You're strong enough to do this, I mean come on! You're the bad ass academy drop out Rose!'

It was an odd thing to be proud about but I cheered myself up a little. But not enough to stop the tears from continuing to explode from my eyes.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I saw something approaching me. Actually, someone. I was getting that nauseous feeling again. When I saw a familiar face, heartbreak was added to what I was feeling. A Strigoi was walking towards me.

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	2. Heading off

**Heya! I hope you liked chapter 1 and will like this one as well!**

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**DISCLAIMER: Characters etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**Remember to R&R!!! **

**-Deni**

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There he was.

The man I loved.

He just stood there for a moment, just staring at me, in sadness, anger and love…

Wait _love_?

How was that possible? I was pretty certain that the Dimitri I knew was long gone. Why was he even here? Was he looking for me?

My heart just broke when he said one word. One special word. One name.

"Roza…" he whispered just loud enough for my dhampir ears to hear it.

I was standing there in complete and utter shock. I stared at him for such a long time which seemed like forever. He still looked like my Dimitri. Only a few things changed. He was a lot paler now and he had those… terrifying and savage red eyes that scared the hell out of me. They kind of disgusted me as well.

I guess it shown on my face because Dimitri suddenly had a look on his face that was full of hurt. He quickly turned away, not wanting me to see his face, or well, his eyes anymore.

He just stood there, with his back to me and stared at the ground. He was thinking. I wondered what about.

I didn't move a muscle, I feared that if I did, he would run away and I'd never see him again, but just seeing him, just being near him, made my heart go a flutter. Even just staring at his back gave me a happy feeling and he also had one hell of a back! Every part of him was so attractive and every little part of him made me love him even more. Shit. How am I going to get over him now?

We just stood there in silence. Just having his company made my heart pull back together, slightly. Then all of a sudden, he just bolted away from me. He was running so fast that I just gave up. I was too mesmerised by him that it took me probably a minute to realise he was getting away.

I fell to my knees in the snow and covered my face with my freezing hands. I was crying uncontrollably… again. Different emotions coursed through my body. Confusion, Rejection, Sadness, Anger, Frustration, Regret… how many were there?

That could've been the last time I saw my Dimitri. My one chance to gain redemption.

"You blew it Rose. You bloody blew it." I said to myself through clenched teeth.

'No, you can't give up now. You've hardly even begun your journey and you're thinking about giving up now? What an idiot.' I thought to myself. Yes, I thought I was an idiot. I really was. I was also crazy. I was one crazy idiot. If I wasn't going crazy before when I started seeing ghosts, then I definitely was right now.

I sighed very heavily, seeing the cold air coming from my mouth. It was damn freezing. All that crying really took it out of me. I was extra cold from the tears burning my face because of the wind. I was so frustrated with myself.

"Pull it together!!!" I shouted at myself.

I managed to calm down a bit. A grumbling noise came from my stomach. I really needed to get some grub and find a place to stay. I kept walking, but then stopped, and decided to hitch a ride.

All of a sudden, I was being pulled by a strong force into Lissa's head. She was in her dorm room with puffy red eyes and Christian was trying to console her.

"Shhhhh… Liss, it's ok…" He said while stroking her hair as she lay next to him and her head was on his shoulder.

"No it's not. She left me. For him. Christian. My best friend left me…" She eventually said between sobs.

Christian gave her a light kiss on her cheek and hugged her tightly. Lissa started to cry even harder into his chest.

I tried to get out. But her emotions just kept me there, like a prisoner in her head. It just made me feel worse about myself. What have I done? I've left my best friend with a broken heart because of my own heart. I started to regret ever deciding to go after Dimitri.

"NO!" I shouted to myself and I finally pulled out of Lissa's head. I was not going to give up now!

I kept walking around in circles on the side of the road. I needed to clear my head, calm myself down, before I did anything rash. Headlights started to appear in front of me. A car stopped next to me, it was some sort of 4WD. Toyota.

"Do you need a ride little missy?" A voice called to me from inside of the car, a man's voice.

Great, I thought. A country bumpkin will escort me to Spokane. I decided to go to Spokane since I needed to visit the bank, and I pretty much knew the area already. I hoped that he wouldn't turn on some country music; I would've pretty much jumped out of the car if he did. It was like that time in the car with Dimitri and he had country music playing. Great, another thing to remind me of him. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I pushed them away quickly.

"Yes please. Can you take me to Spokane?" I asked him in a cute childish voice.

"Sure thing sweetie!" He replied.

He looked around mid-40s and had clothing on that made him look like a farmer, his straw hat didn't help. He looked like a decent man and I trusted that he wouldn't try anything on me. I was pretty sure that I could take him down anyway.

"So why are you going to Spokane?" He asked me in a friendly tone.

"I… have some business to take care of." I said, knowing that I couldn't reveal the truth to a stranger. He nodded. I guess he felt that I didn't want to talk anymore, because he kept silent the rest of the way there. The ride wasn't that long, at least it felt like that, I was too consumed in my mind again.

We arrived at the front of a mall. I thanked him and he left giving me one last grin before driving.

Now it was time to get serious. I'm only shopping for my essentials, no fun and games here. Wait. I need to go to the bank first! I slapped my forehead and went inside the mall.

I walked in and memories came flooding back to me. They hit me like a tidal wave of pain. I saw the table that Mason, Eddie and Mia were sitting at before I went and disturbed them. Little did we all know that we were in for something dangerous and we lost a life that day. _Mason's_.

Tears started to drop down my face again. How many people had to get hurt because of me? People started staring at me with worried and sympathetic looks on their faces. I quickly wiped away the tears with my arm.

Then I headed off to find the bank.

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	3. Getting prepared

**Hope you're enjoying my story so far!!!**

**This is a bit shorter than the rest... **

**But anywho, i hope it's just as good!**

**:) Take care! Please R&R! It would be appreciated! :D**

**DISCLAIMER: Characters etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**-Deni**

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How was I going to find _him_ again? The last time I saw him, was just because of pure luck.

I saw the bank and made my way to it. I was so glad to be in the warm shopping centre. I was freezing my butt off outside. I walked in and for some reason, everyone inside was just glaring at me. I felt so alone. It darkened my mood even further. It was daylight right now, so Moroi would probably be asleep, I thought, to reassure myself that I wouldn't run into anyone I knew.

I walked up to a counter where a lady who looked quite pale and quite skinny was working. She was a Moroi. How odd. A Moroi living in the human world.

"What can I help you with?" She asked me in a polite tone. She looked a bit sympathetic for me as I looked like a wreck. My hair was all over the place and my clothes were quite damp from sobbing in the snow.

"I need to withdraw some money from an account Adrian Ivashkov set up for me." I replied.

"Then you must be the lucky girl." Her eyes widened.

"Excuse me?" I tried not to sound rude.

"His wife. You're his wife, yes?" She looked at me suspiciously.

"Oh…. Why yes… I am…" I said awkwardly. I'm gonna kill Adrian when I see him again…

"Ok. Well there is 50,000 dollars in this account." She said to me, kind of happily.

"Fif….fif….fif…..fift…" I stuttered in complete shock. Wow. Adrian must've really cared for me… but on second thought, he was really rich so this was probably just pocket change to him. She giggled.

"Yes miss, there is." She said, trying to take me out of my shock.

"Oh… um… wow… ok… I would like to withdraw…1000 dollars please." She nodded and handed me my money… well Adrian's money… I didn't want to take too much, as I might've gone on a shopping rampage if I had had more. I needed to resist temptation. I took the money and stuffed it into my pockets.

I exited the bank and my stomach growled at me. Wow. Even my own body hates me. I walked towards a fast food outlet and ordered what I was craving for the past couple months. It was fatty and full of calories but I was pretty sure that I was going to burn them off on my journey… my journey… to kill the man I loved. I let out a huge sigh. I went to a table and started to eat.

When I was done, I went to some clothing stores and bought what I needed, some good tracksuit pants, t-shirts, jumpers, socks, underwear, bras… I was tempted to buy a really beautiful black dress…

"Oh what's the use? I won't be able to wear it anyways." I said to myself.

I decided to buy some food for my long trip so that I wouldn't be starving along the way. That's when I realised I hadn't even brought a bag. Wow you really are an idiot Rose, I thought to myself. What did I bring? Let's see… my ID and me… and clothes… well the clothes that I were wearing already. I guess that I didn't want to bring anything else when I left the academy… everything reminded me of Lissa and my other friends at the academy.

"Stupid, stupid Rose…" I grumbled to myself.

I bought a big bag, wasn't fashionable or anything, just big enough to fit what I needed. I bought some food, packaged stuff that didn't need to be put into fridges.

I sat down on a bench, exhausted from running around the mall buying things. What? I was exhausted? The awesome badass Rose Hathaway exhausted? Just from shopping? God. What's happening to me? But hey, I thought to myself, Shopping was like a sport… so it's ok that I was tired right?

After my short rest on the bench, I decided that I needed a place to stay. I walked out of the mall and saw a cheap motel near by. How convenient! I was walking past an alley covered in darkness because of the buildings blocking the sun. That's when I got hit with that annoying and painful nauseous feeling again. Strigoi were here.

A hand reached out and tried to grab me but I dodged them. I had my stake out in a matter of seconds… ok maybe even one. My dhampir eyes were good enough to let me see a bit in the darkness. A human would've been blind here. I saw just enough to know that there were 4 Strigoi here. Holy crap. 4 Strigoi.

One of the Strigoi started to speak. He had red hair and looked like he was one of the older Strigoi.

"Well look here. A bloodwhore has come to join us for lunch." He said with a smirk appearing on his face. I gave him a sharp look.

"I'm not a bloodwhore." I spoke in a very serious way. Kind of frightening as well.

He started to laugh hysterically. Damn this shithead.

I saw this as an opportunity and leapt forward with my stake plunging into his heart. He let out a gut-wrenching cry of pain.

The second Strigoi came from the side of me but I still saw him. He realised I did and stopped in his tracks, scared to death of me, all of a sudden. He was clearly _awakened_ not long ago. He was only a foot away and looked frozen in his steps. I quickly stabbed him in the heart and before he even realised, he was dead. Wow. That was too easy. It was like he just froze and couldn't move. Did he become paralysed by fear? Am I really that frightening? I imagined how I looked. Ya I probably was.

The third and fourth Strigoi attacked me together and sent me flying to one of the walls. They looked like a couple. One was a girl that must've been a Dhampir before she was awakened and the other was a boy who looked like a Moroi. Interesting, I thought. A Dhampir dating a Moroi. I was reminded of Adrian. I tried to ignore the pain. Physical and emotional. I attacked the girl first. She flinched but dodged me and her boyfriend was distracted by her. I saw this as my chance and I stabbed him first. He was paying too much attention on helping her that he didn't even notice me. That was when I cracked.

All of this, reminded me of Dimitri. He always said that we couldn't be together because we would get distracted by one another. I was frozen. The girl was over her boyfriend's body crying her eyes out. I fell to my knees and let out a cry as well. She heard me and glared at me, red eyes full of rage and wanting revenge. She got up and quickly ran towards me letting out some sort of war cry and punched me in the face. Ouch. She could punch. That would definitely leave a bruise. I was too distracted with my crying and I sort of… let her punch me I guess. My guard was down. I wanted someone to kill me. Put me out of my misery. Make me forget _him_. NO! I couldn't give up now! Why did I have so many doubts in myself? Before I realised, she picked up her boyfriend and got away. Damn. I was losing consciousness… My vision was starting to blur... I guess the punch did more than bruise me… I heard and felt blood dripping from my head... Everything began to fade away… Into the darkness…

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	4. Where am I?

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It's longer than the others since the last one was a bit short. lol**

**DISCLAIMER: Characters etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**-Deni :)**

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I was surrounded by complete darkness… but not for long.

An image started to appear in front of me. I wasn't waking up though, this wasn't reality. I was in a dream. But it wasn't mine. Well, technically it was, but I didn't control it.

"Hello my little dhampir." Adrian said in a flirtatious tone. Ugh.

I didn't reply, I was wondering what happened. I didn't even bother with greeting him; I went straight to the direct and hard questions.

"Where am I?" Dumb question, I thought. I already knew where I was. I was in a dream, being intruded by Adrian. He answered anyway.

"Why, you're with me Rose, in a beautiful garden at the Royal Court. I've missed you." Adrian said looking slightly worried at my expression.

"What? I… I don't even remember falling asleep…" I said panicking.

Adrian's face turned serious and his usual smirk left. He wasn't acting like his usual self. It was very rare that he did that sometimes, but for some reason, I liked it.

During these dreams I would always be wearing something that Adrian liked. Like a bikini. Ha. Typical. But I was too disoriented to even care about what I looked like.

"What do you remember?" He asked me, the seriousness and concern showing in his voice.

"I… I think I was in an alley… fighting Strigoi…" His face paled.

"Where were you before you came here?" He asked me looking deep into my eyes. He was really starting to worry.

"I was in an alley, next to the mall, in Spokane." He nodded and started to fade away. Shit. I shouldn't have told him that.

"Adrian wait! You can't!" He was gone.

I was gone. I didn't know where I was anymore. If I looked around me, I just saw complete darkness. Omigod! Was I blind? No, that couldn't be it. I actually couldn't move at all. I was just motionless in the middle of nothingness…

……………………………………………………………………………………..........

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………beep………………………......

…….beep………………………………………………………………….beep…….....

………………………………….beep.

What was all this beeping about? I didn't know what happened. I started to wake up… slowly… it was a heart rate monitor beeping non-stop to my dismay. It was really getting on my nerves.

Adrian was by my side with his face in his hands on the bed. He looked like he was crying. He noticed me yawning.

"Little dhampir, I thought I lost you…" He said to me with joy in his gorgeous emerald eyes… What? When have I thought that his eyes were _gorgeous_?

"Where am I?" I asked, lifting my head to look around but failed due to excruciating pain.

"You're back at the academy. We're in the clinic Rose." The clinic? What? Damn, the bastard brought me back.

"Why am I here? I was in an alley before…" Then it hit me. He came to my rescue. Stupid Adrian, why did he have to come?

He must've seen the realisation in my face and he just nodded. I thought about where the pain was coming from. My head. It was throbbing like anything and I wished that he just left me there… to die…

"You had me worried sick Rose." He said with a little sad smile. His gorgeous emerald eyes were all red. He was really crying a lot.

There it is again. _Gorgeous_. Why was I thinking that his eyes were gorgeous? It must've been from the head injury. It must've caused something to rupture in my brain and now I'm definitely retarded.

"Why didn't you leave me there?" I said sounding a bit frustrated. I was. He looked shocked.

"What? I couldn't! Rose! I… I love you." I gasped and I think my jaw dropped open.

I was speechless… what do you say to that? Especially after they saved your life and you definitely didn't feel the same? What was I supposed to do but look at him with a dumb look on my face?

He just took my surprised expression as an 'I love you too' and he leant down to kiss me. Darn it, I couldn't move, therefore I couldn't get away. Adrian had me cornered. Before I could shout for him to stop, he was already kissing me, very passionately. Like how a lover would kiss their lover. His lips were so soft and… what? Get out of there Rose! I shouted to myself. I definitely wasn't enjoying this… at least I hope I wasn't.

I tried to wriggle out from him and he noticed my struggle. He looked heartbroken. He looked so hurt; he looked like he wanted to commit suicide right there. I had to say something.

"Adrian… I'm sorry." I said with tears threatening me to come out.

"It's ok Rose. I understand. You'll never love me like you love _him_." He said it so coldly that my heart sank.

I finally stopped fighting the tears and they came pouring out. He got up and started walking away.

"Adrian stop!" I called out to him. He turned around, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. He looked so… indescribable… my heart sank even more… who was I kidding? I had no heart left!

"Does Lissa know I'm here?" I asked.

"No." He said in such a way that more tears came. I don't know why.

"Thankyou." I managed to get out before he just turned and walked out the door, and then slammed it, really hard.

I didn't need this right now. I didn't need more heartbreak in my life. I doubt there was even enough heart left to break. I just cried and cried. How I couldn't do anything right now. Being stuck to this stupid bed with my terrible stupid injury. I heard the door creak open and Dr Olendzki walked into the room. I was surprised that the door was even able to keep on its hinges after how hard Adrian had slammed it. She looked happy that I was awake.

"How are you feeling Rose?" She looked so friendly, even though I was probably her least favourite patient. It was like I never left her alone. I would be at the clinic a few times each week, when I was a student.

"Terrible." I answered bitterly. I wanted to take out my emotions on someone, and Dr Olendzki was that poor someone. It was unfair but I couldn't control myself.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked, sounding angrier than I meant to.

"Rose calm down, you need your rest." She tried to tuck me under the blankets of the bed. I refused to let her do so and struggled. She gave up.

"I don't need my rest! I need to be out there, killing those fucking Strigoi!!!" I shouted so loud that Ms Kirova probably heard me from her office. I was too pissed off. Dr Olendzki looked at me with disappointment.

"Rose. When you dropped out, I didn't expect you to lose your manners as well." She eyed me in a serious way. I noticed that she said _'as well'_.

"Oh yeah? So what else did I lose then doc?" I said in a rude tone, I sounded like I was a little child.

She hesitated. Then tried to ignore it and my question and was looking at my chart of progress.

"Tell me." I said as I stared into her eyes fiercely. She shivered.

"You lost your chance of graduating, your chance of guarding your best friend and…" She stopped; she saw my face fill with depression.

"Please continue." I pleaded.

"You lost everything you had at the academy." She finally admitted but regretted it straight away. Way to break it to me. But I knew it deep down anyway. The tears that I tried to ignore came exploding out of my eyes like TNT. She hugged me and was stroking my hair.

"It's ok Rose. Shhh…. It's ok."

We stayed like that for a couple more moments. She eventually had to leave to visit another patient. She told me to rest until she got back.

I went to sleep. Nothing happened. Well nothing as in 'Adrian didn't visit me' like he used to. I couldn't believe that I missed it. I felt so bad for rejecting him, but I had problems of my own and he had to understand that. Heck, he understood everything pretty well, which hurt him even more.

I wasn't having a dream with Adrian, but I still had my own dream. Dimitri was in it.

Well it wasn't like how Adrian _visited_ my dreams, but still, Dimitri was in it. My heart ached.

I was dreaming about the time where I lost my true love. We were at _the cave_.

_I was at the entrance and my Dimitri was running towards me. Then that stupid blonde Strigoi appeared. Oh how I wanted to tear him apart and burn all the pieces! He caught Dimitri off guard and sank his teeth into my Dimitri's neck. It was so painful, seeing it all for the second time. Then things were different. Instead, I didn't run off with the others back to the academy, I ran towards the cave. But every time I got too close, the image of the blonde Strigoi with Dimitri kept pulling away from me. They were getting out of my reach. I cried "Dimitri!" but he was gone._

_Watching him disappear like that tore me apart. I fell to the ground and was balling my eyes out. I couldn't save him, I thought. I had given up… I couldn't run after him anymore… this was the end for my Dimitri…_

"NO!!!" I screamed as I suddenly jumped up to a sitting position in my bed. That wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. My hell. My entire body was covered in sweat and my face was also covered with tears. How long had I been out? That dream felt like it went on for an eternity.

Dr Olendzki burst through the door at the sound of my scream. She came rushing up to me and felt my forehead.

"What's wrong?" She asked with so much concern in her voice.

"Nightmares."

"You have a fever. I'll go get you an ice pack to lower your temperature, it might numb your head a while as well, so your pain will also be… less." She said before she went. She came back with an icepack. I pressed it to my head, it was so refreshing.

"I guess I'll be here for a little while." I said, trying to make a joke. She laughed.

"Who else knows that I'm here?" I asked her.

"Ms Kirova. That is all. Including Adrian and I."

"May I ask for it to stay that way as well?" She looked shocked.

"Um… ok Rose." She looked so sympathetic.

"One last thing. Can I please have some sleeping tablets?" I did not want to have another nightmare.

"Sure." She left the room and returned with the little drops of 'heaven'… well 'sleep'. I needed them.

She left my room and I gulped the tablets down with some water in a cup from a jug on a table next to me. I was soon asleep. I needed my rest if I wanted to recover faster and stop my nightmare from ever coming true. I needed to get to Dimitri before it was too late. I needed to save him from himself.

2 weeks later…

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	5. I'm sorry

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**-Deni**

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2 weeks later.

Here I was heading to the gate again. It was easier than the last time to leave but it still twisted my heart, well the remainder of it, if there was.

As I was walking towards the gate, I had a flashback of what had happened in the last 2 weeks. My injury was far worse than I had suspected and I had to waste time in the bed in the clinic, but not all of the time.

_Wow. I thought to myself. Those sleeping tablets really knocked me out! I giggled to myself. Then I was punched in the face by a fist full of realisation. I remembered where I was, how I got there, what I had to do and what had happened. I needed to see Adrian. _

_I tried to sit up from my bed. My head felt like a huge weight and I was soon carried down by it. I tried again, the pain was killing me, but not as much as me realising my main objective. I had to kill my soul mate, way to go Rose. _

_I slowly got off the bed and used the wall to support me as I walked along it. I felt like I was in hell. I was back at the academy. In fact, this was worse than hell. In hell, I wouldn't be reminded of Dimitri._

_I looked out the window and checked if there was anyone outside. Good. The coast was clear. I looked around the room for one last time and spotted my long coat that still reminded me of_ him _and I hastily put it on around my body. I opened the window and carefully slid my body through. I doubted that someone like Ralph would be able to do that, thank god for my average size! As soon as I laid one foot on the ground, the cold hit me. At least it was numbing my pain, I thought._

_I looked down at my feet. I was wearing sneakers. Good. But no socks. Crap._

_I trudged through the snow, on my way to the guest house when something stopped me._

"_Rose?" Was all I heard before I started to faint. Seemed like my body couldn't handle the cold after all. The person caught me in their arms as I blacked out._

_I woke up. I was in a dorm room. Lissa's dorm. I was lying on her bed. She was crying next to me. Damn. She found me. How was I going to tell her that I didn't plan on staying?_

"_Jeez Louise, do I make everyone cry just with my presence?" I joked._

_She looked up and hugged me._

"_Oh Rose! I never thought that I'd see you again!" She looked so relieved._

_I tried to smile, but the thoughts of how she really felt, flowed through the bond. She was depressed, I mean really depressed like when spirit was doing crazy things to her. She was also angry. I hated when she was. A dark feeling would always be hanging off her that I found annoying. Then I felt her guilt. For being selfish and not wanting me to go. I was so angry, but at myself for causing her this pain. I was going to be her guardian before, I was supposed to protect her from pain, not be the one inflicting it on her._

"_Listen. Liss. I'm so sorry for leaving you behind…"_

"_Rose. It's ok. I forgive you. I've been beating myself up for how selfish I was acting." I got worried. I looked at her wrists. The worst came in to play. She really was beating herself up, by cutting._

"_Oh no. Liss. No" I gave her a sympathetic look crossed with anger in my face._

_She started to cry again._

"_Shhh… Liss everything is going to be alright…" I pulled her into me and started to stroke her hair as she let out all her emotions into my shirt. It was soaked. That's gonna be a pain in the ass… well chest when I get outside, I thought._

_She finally calmed down and looked at me again. Sadness and disappointment came upon her beautiful face._

"_You're not staying are you?" She said monotonically. Trying to hide how depressed she really was. She failed._

_I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to leave her side again, but I knew that I had to. It killed me so much to give her so much pain._

_I stood up and headed to the door. I looked back at her._

"_I'm sorry Liss. And please don't torture yourself while I'm gone." I hoped Christian would stop her. She looked back at me with a 'Please don't leave me again' look on her face. I broke down once more as tears were threatening me. _

_As I crossed the threshold, she started crying again like the world was ending. It probably was for her. And maybe it was for me. Who was I kidding? I was planning on going out on my own to hunt Strigoi? My world could be ending at any time, once I officially started my journey, which already had too many setbacks. Another piece of me died, if there were any pieces left, that is. I didn't know how much more heartbreak I could take…_

_I walked down the hall, regaining my balance, as I was still weak. I passed a few Moroi and they stared at me with worried expressions. I opened the door that led to the frozen landscape in front of me. I let out a huge sigh. Back to the cold. My prediction was right; my chest was burning from the icy wind, as well as my face which I hadn't noticed before, was covered in tears._

_I stumbled at the door to the guest house Adrian was in. I was too weak to bang on his door savagely. I only made a faint noise with my knock. But he still heard it and answered it. _

_His expression at first was content, but became saddened when he looked up at who was at his door step. He was about to close the door in my face until I said…_

"_Adrian! Wait! Please!" I sounded so depressed that he rejected me by trying to close the door in my face. Actually, I was depressed._

_He heard the depression and let me in, looking very guilty._

"_I'm sorry I snapped back at you. I was in no right to say what I said. And I'm also sorry for rejecting you just then. I could've slammed your beautiful face with that door." He finally said in an honest and apologetic tone._

_I looked at him. He looked… hot. His clothes fitted his body perfectly and his hair was styled the way that I liked it and kinda found… cute. _

_He noticed me checking him out and he put on a sad smile._

"_Adrian. I'm so sorry about what happened… I'm just going through a very rough patch in my life right now… and I don't know if I can move on yet…" But the thing was that, I didn't want to move on. I would always love Dimitri no matter what._

_He nodded like he understood everything. And he did._

"_It's ok little dhampir. I'll wait for you." He finally came up to me and gave me a hug._

"_Did you just come all the way out here to see me?" He asked looking very curious. I nodded. A smile was playing on his lips. Not a sad smile either. He was feeling happier which made me feel happier as well._

"_I should take you back to the clinic. Rose, I don't know how you did it. You are surely brave with that injury of yours! It just proves your strength. You are so strong Rose, so, so strong." He said, complimenting me. But my heart just sank when he said that last sentence. _'You are so strong Rose, so, so strong.' _It reminded me of Dimitri and I recalled how he once told me something similar to that. In fact, my strength was one of the reasons why Dimitri loved me. But was I strong enough to kill him? I wasn't sure anymore. My heart had been sinking so many times that it eventually would've ended up like the Titanic. And it did… at that very moment. I was frozen._

_Adrian started to get super worried and gripped my arms with both of his hands and started shaking me. I was just staring at a space on the floor. He was terrified that I was paralysed or something. I thought I was. I couldn't move._

_He swiftly swept me off my feet and carried me with both of his arms and headed outside. He was actually stronger than I thought. He carried me like I was… a feather… He was taking me back to the clinic._

_Adrian carried me all the way and shouted for help. Dr Olendzki quickly came to me and they took me back to the bed. Great. Back here again. I was about to roll my eyes when I realised that I couldn't even do that. I was just a motionless mannequin. _

_Dr Olendzki ran several tests on me while Adrian kept to my side, ready to help with whatever he could. He couldn't really do much, but he was there to support me. That meant a lot._

"_Her brain is still active, her heart is still beating, but it seems as though she's trapped in her mind or something." Dr Olendzki said while looking at me with worry in her eyes. Adrian gave her a 'maybe I can help using my spirit powers' look._

"_But, her brain is in shock from something, and it is causing her to be immobile. I'm afraid that you can't help Adrian, I'm sorry. It's because she's still awake, and you can't enter her dreams since she isn't having one. It appears that she can even see us and hear us right now, but she can't move her eyes." That's when I realised that tears were forming in my eyes, as I couldn't blink and Adrian noticed. _

"_It's ok Rose, we'll find a way to fix this." He said, while taking my hand and squeezing it tightly. He then put his other hand over my eyes and closed my eyelids to stop my pain. The tears that were keeping my eyes moist came out when he closed them._

_Great. I was stuck to this bed, paralysed until they could find out a way to cure me. Now, I could only hear what was going on. A few days past and I tried to get some sleep to pass the time._

_Dr Olendzki finally came up with a conclusion to what was wrong with me. After gathering her information, she came into my room._

"_Rose, I have finally figured out your problem." She sounded excited. Which one? Ha. I had too many. Adrian was still by my side, he never left it. He squeezed my hand._

"_Rose is suffering from a small case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Since so many traumatic events have happened to her recently. As for her paralysation... I think something emotional caused a part of her brain to just… fall asleep or shut down temporarily." Yup, I was retarded. Adrian stopped squeezing my hand. He felt guilty. I felt horrible not being able to squeeze back reassuring him that it wasn't his fault. _

"_I'll hook up an IV with some liquids that will speed up the process of waking up her brain. Don't worry Adrian; Rose will be back to normal soon."_

"_Ok." Was all Adrian said._

_I felt a pain in my hand, from the needle from the IV. _

"_Sorry Rose, this will sting a bit." Ya, I already know, I thought. _

_A few more days past and I hoped that I was recovering. When finally, my eyes started to open, but I couldn't speak yet. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Adrian was still by my side. He was asleep, he looked so cute. I tried to squeeze his hand and he woke up._

"_Rose? You're okay!" He leapt up and hugged me. He pulled away and gave me a worried look._

"_Can you… speak yet?" I just stared at him. I couldn't move my head either, it still hurt like hell. An idea hatched in his mind._

"_Blink once if yes, blink twice if no." I blinked twice. He nodded and let out a sigh. Dr Olendzki walked into the room._

"_Rose is awake!" He shouted to her. He was really excited that I was making progress._

"_Good." She gave me a warm smile._

"_Well since she is waking up, we can assess the other problem. Her Stress disorder." Crap, I thought. I didn't want to see a shrink._

"_Can she talk yet?" She asked Adrian. He shook his head._

"_Hmmm… well I'll tell her to only ask her Yes or No questions then."_

_Someone knocked on the door. I started to get anxious._

"_Come in." Dr Olendzki shouted._

_A woman came in. She was Moroi and had a very thin frame. She had glasses on and was also carrying a notebook. She was the psychiatrist._

"_Well. This is the patient?" She examined me. She looked too happy, too happy for my liking. Oh no, I thought._

_Dr Olendzki handed her my progress sheets and told her that I couldn't speak yet. She then sat down in a chair opposite from Adrian and set up her things._

"_Ok here's the deal." The shrink said. I rolled my eyes. A smirk appeared across her face._

"_My name is Emma and I'll be asking you a series of Yes or No questions." She gave me a normal smile._

"_Blink once if Yes, Blink twice if No." Soon after she said that, she took out a pen. The torture had begun._

"_Do you remember who you are?" I blinked once. She was looking at me like I was a lab rat in a science experiment._

"_Do you remember who these people are?" She motioned towards Adrian and Dr Olendzki. Adrian gave out a haughty laugh. He thought it was hilarious that this shrink thought that I was retarded. He was proud that he was smarter than her, in terms of knowing me, that is. She ignored him; she was too focused on me. I blinked once._

"_Good. Well, have traumatic events happened to you recently?" Why did she think I was here in the first place? I blinked once._

"_When you get your voice back, would you like to talk about what happened?" I hesitated. I blinked once… but then slowly I blinked again._

"_Don't worry Rose you can trust me." She said it very honestly. She probably told all her patients that. I rolled my eyes again. She laughed._

"_I think we'll get along just fine. I think that's enough for today. I'll come back tomorrow. You need your rest." She squeezed my other hand as Adrian was still holding on to the other one._

_This was only just the beginning._

_The next few days past as she came back and asked me more questions. My voice started to come back in our fourth session. I finally let it all out and told her everything. I figured that I should, otherwise, I'd get into more trouble. Adrian always left the room during these sessions to give us some privacy, how sweet. _

_It felt good to let it all out. She just nodded with sympathy, but still looked happy. Was this girl happy all the time?_

_I was recovering quickly. When I was alone, I stood up and went to the bathroom in the clinic. I realised that I hadn't taken a shower in… several days… almost for 2 weeks! Gross._

_I quickly whipped my clothes off and got into the shower. The water was so refreshing and it really woke me up. Thank God Dr Olendzki already took the IV off of me. I was wasting so much water as I just let myself relax while the hot water washed over my body. I finally and reluctantly had to get out. I wrapped a towel around me and began drying myself. I hated when I came out of the shower, the room temperature would always hit you with a cold blast. I put on some clothes from my bag that I took with me into the bathroom. I was finally clean. It felt good._

_I was still alone. I thought that it was time to go. I gathered and put everything back into my bag and opened the door. Dr Olendzki was at the front desk. I went up to her and she was surprised to see me._

"_I need to leave now. Thankyou for everything." I said to her. I hoped she would let me go. _

"_Are you sure Rose? Are you feeling good enough to leave so soon?" I nodded twice. When something popped in my head._

"_May I ask one last favour?" She nodded._

"_Can I take a bottle of sleeping pills to go?" I said, looking at her with my puppy dog eyes. It always worked. Well, almost. She groaned._

"_Ok." She finally said. He went behind a door and came out with my bottle._

"_Here. Be safe Rose." She said while handing me the bottle._

"_Thankyou for everything." She smiled at me. I smiled back. Those sleeping pills would come in handy. I didn't want Adrian to visit me in my dreams. I didn't bother to go to visit anyone with my last goodbyes. _

I pulled out of my flashback. I was finally at the gate. I took one last glance at the academy. I thought that it would be the last time that I would get to see it. All of the happy memories would stay with me forever. A smile crept up to my face.

"Wow. I think I'm going to actually kinda miss this dump." I said to myself. I nodded at the guardians and they opened the gate for me without any questions. Wow. They should've been fired. I giggled to myself as I went through the gate.

'Where to now?' was the thought that just kept running through my head as soon as I stepped out.

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	6. The Meeting

**Here's Chapter 6!!!**

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**DISCLAIMER: Characters etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**-Deni**

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I started walking. I had nowhere to go. I just stopped and looked back. I had only walked about 5 metres from the academy's gates.

After a few moments out of the wards, a small headache arrived. Then an image appeared before me. It was all too familiar. The brown hair. The beautiful brown eyes. The soft lips. The long coat. It was Dimitri, but not in the flesh. It was his soul. Did every Strigoi's soul wander the earth before their Strigoi self was killed?

He just stared at me, with sadness overpowering his beautiful face. I fell down to my knees and started crying. I looked up at him; he was still staring at me. My heart felt like something stabbed it.

"Dim-Dimitri. Is it really…" He nodded. I stood up. I tried to throw my arms around him but he just phased through them. I cried even more.

What was he doing here?

"Are… are you here to help me?" He nodded.

"You're here to help me find your Strigoi self?" He nodded again. I sighed. At least I had a new lead. The guardians at the gates would've thought that I was crazy, talking to myself, but I didn't care.

"Ok…so what do I need?" Woops silly question. He couldn't do much than nodding or shaking his head. He looked like he was trying to speak. He looked so frustrated and was trying really hard.

"Ma… ma… map." He finally said. He was just like Dimitri, always had a plan before taking action. Wait, he was Dimitri! Well some form of him at least…

I dug through my bag; I knew I had a map somewhere.

"Ah ha!" I shouted triumphantly while pulling out the map. Dimitri was still depressed. My weird behaviour had no effect on him.

"So… where are you Dimitri? Well, your Strigoi form?" He pointed to some woods about a kilometre away from us. Great. I finally knew where his Strigoi self was.

I wanted to get there straight away so I picked up my bag while still holding the map.

"Can you still keep up with me?" I asked him. A hint of a smile was appearing on his face, but it seemed like the wind blew it away.

"Ok then." I smiled at him.

I ran off, but he suddenly disappeared. I couldn't wait for him so I kept going. I sprinted for a couple of minutes while following the map. Just as I was about to stop 10 metres away from the Strigoi, Dimitri's ghost appeared in front of me.

"Hey! That's cheating! You used your ghost abilities!" I whispered to him. Then a real smile appeared on his face. I was happy that he finally had one.

All of a sudden, arms came out of nowhere and pulled me away from Dimitri's ghost. Dimitri disappeared. Great. He left me in my time of need. Was this a trap? Was Dimitri's ghost evil as well? Was he trying to get me killed so I could be with him in the spirit world?

I looked back at my enemies and they were Strigoi. Damn, they must've spotted me running towards them. I tried to break free but they were too strong. They restrained me, gagged me then put a bag on my head. It all happened too fast.

"What should we do with her?" I heard a male voice say.

"Take her back to the warehouse. Let the other elders decide what happens to this bitch." I recognised that voice. It was the female Strigoi that knocked me out in that alley. I wished that I could just stake her and twist it several times, causing her more pain.

I felt a blow to my head. It hit the wound I already had. I was out.

…

"Good job Darcy. You caught the famous Rose Hathaway." I heard a male voice say. Where was I? I slowly started to wake up and the bag was still on top of my head, I was still gagged.

"Nothing to it. So what should we do with this bloodwhore Mark?" Darcy said. Darcy. That was the name of that annoying female Strigoi from the alley. I hated her guts.

"We should hold a meeting. Let all the elders, including us, decide what we should do to her." Do what to me? Kill me? Turn me? Eat me? I was panicking. I could feel the sweat building up on the back of my neck, the hairs were probably also standing up. I was terrified.

No! I'm Rose Hathaway! I couldn't be terrified of these… monsters. My destiny was to 'kill that of which is undead', I would have to _live_ to fulfil it. It was also very odd, Strigoi were normally too evil and dark to be this organised. They were going to summon all their elders in their group and hold a meeting to decide my fate.

I had to escape. I didn't know how to yet, but a plan was coming to me soon… hopefully.

They took the bag off my head and ungagged me. I looked at their horrible faces with disgust. Then I looked around me. I was sitting in a chair in an empty room, with my hands bound together at the back. The room only had one door. Damn it.

"Why hello Rose. Do you mind if I have a taste?" Mark said, looking deep into my eyes with his red ones full of evil.

"Don't you dare!" I shouted at him with all the scariness I could pull out. It didn't work, he didn't even flinch. I spat on his shoe. He flinched at that though. A smirk appeared on my face.

"You disgusting little bitch!" Mark shouted at me.

"I'm going to enjoy this." He said with his own smirk appearing, mine disappearing. He tilted my head up, revealing my neck and he bent down.

His teeth sank into me. It hurt like hell but then it felt so good. I couldn't help but let out a little moan of satisfaction. I couldn't believe that I missed these bites. Maybe I really was a junkie after all. He pulled away and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

"Wow. You really are a bloodwhore." A grin showed up on his ugly face. I was too woozy to argue. My head was spinning from the loss of blood.

"Darcy. Assemble the others now." She nodded. He gagged me again and put the bag over my head. I fainted.

…

I woke up. Where was I? I was being dragged somewhere. I was still too weak to walk, let alone fight.

I could hear so much commotion around me. What was happening? All I could see… was nothing. Just utter darkness. I realised that I was still gagged. Ugh.

I had a pain in my head that wouldn't go away. I was done for. I hadn't completed my mission. I couldn't save Dimitri. The Strigoi were going to kill me, either way. I knew it. They put me down to my knees. My hands were still tied to my back.

"Quiet, quiet!" I heard a male Strigoi shout. Everyone fell silent.

Suddenly, someone lifted the bag from my head and took the rag out of my mouth. I looked around me. The room was in darkness, but my dhampir eyes could still see. I was surrounded. I had absolutely no chance of escape. I was doomed. There were Strigoi everywhere, most sitting on chairs behind me and 5 sitting in front of me. The Elders. The Elders were in an even darker spot in the room. Weird. I couldn't see their faces, but I could still faintly see their bodies, just no faces.

"We are here to discuss the matter of Rose Hathaway." The same male Strigoi announced. I heard someone gasp. Who was that? Were they surprised that they finally caught me? I was. Everyone started talking at once again. I didn't want to say anything, I was too concerned with their final verdict.

"Silence!" The male Strigoi bellowed from his chair in the centre of the room. He must've been the overall leader of this pack.

"Mark will announce his suggestion first." The Elders were going from left to right from where they were sitting. The Elders were sitting in a semi-circle. It was kinda funny to see Strigoi this organised; they could even sit in a semi-circle. I was shocked. _We _underestimated them too much, I realised. _We_ as in the entire Moroi and Dhampir society!

Mark stood up, out of the shadows. I saw his ugly face again. He was an old Strigoi; he must've been turned when he was nearing death. He had a very strict look on his face. If I weren't in such a tough scenario, I would have thought that he was a perfect match for Kirova, if he wasn't a Strigoi, that is.

"I say, that we elders should feast on this bloodwhore. She let me have a taste already. After all, she is shadowkissed. Who knows, she could do wonders for us. I already feel stronger." He looked at me hungrily. Dirty old man, I thought. How did he know about that? How did he know I was shadowkissed?

The commotion started again. I heard many voices shout out different things. I didn't bother to look back at them.

"That's not fair!"

"Yeah! Why don't we get a bite?"

"Silence!!!" The Strigoi leader shouted, stopping the uproar.

"It's ok Derek." Mark replied. So the Strigoi leader was Derek.

"People, the decision is not final. Darcy, you may begin." Mark shouted the first part at the audience. Ha. He said _people_. They weren't. They were _murderers_. Then I realised. Darcy was also one of the elders. No wonder she knocked me out of my senses.

Darcy stood up out of the shadows as well. Mark sat back down. Darcy looked slightly younger than Mark but was still probably ancient.

"I say, we should just kill her! One less troublemaker to deal with!" She shouted and looked extremely proud for making me shiver.

"Yeah! She killed Rupert!" I heard a couple voices agree.

"There. Since everyone agrees then…" Darcy was cut off.

"Not everyone agrees! Shut your mouth Darcy!" Derek shouted at her. I giggled. Derek looked at me.

"What are you laughing about? We're deciding your fate you idiot!" He shouted, while looking at me in disgust. My face became serious again. He'd be the perfect match for Queen Tatiana, I thought. Strigoi or not, the old hag deserved him. A smirk crept onto my face. He ignored it. He then looked back at Darcy with a flash of sympathy crossing his face.

"I know you want revenge over this dhampir because she killed Rupert, but you shouldn't let your emotions get the best of you." Derek said to her in a calm tone. How did this soul-less creature know anything about compassion?

Darcy slumped back down into her chair and the next one got up. He looked evil, so evil. I shivered, he laughed.

"I say, we turn her. She could be a very useful asset. After all, how many Strigoi has she killed so far?" A Strigoi behind me pushed my head forward and looked at my neck. I had my hair in a high bun in case it got in the way, but now I wish that it did, to maybe slow the process. I knew i wasn't going to live for long.

"She's got two _molijna_ marks Sir. But she needs another one… because of Rupert…" It amazed me even more that they had a hierarchy. Elders, Guards then…Hunters. Or whatever the last group was. Well, they did go out to retrieve things… like people to feed on and Royal Moroi.

"Quite impressive for a Novice. Ah, that's right; she's the one who killed Isaiah." The Strigoi elder said. How did they know so much about me? They knew about the Spokane incident. My stomach got all twisted in knots.

"Actually I agree with Darcy. We should kill her." That voice was all too familiar. The last Strigoi elder stepped out from the shadows. I already knew who it was.

Dimitri... But how could he be an elder? He was awakened not long ago. Plus he wanted to kill me. He must've forgotten all about us. My heart froze. It's what I wished would never happen.

"Let's have a vote, eh?" He said to the other elders. Some nodded their heads. This was amazing; maybe _he_ put some order into this place. If anyone could do it, he could.

"Who put you in charge?" The Strigoi before, shouted at Dimitri threateningly.

"Joseph! Everyone has their opinions. Dimitri may not be as old and wise as us, but he has _earned_ his spot up here." Derek shouted and shot a threatening glare to Joseph. Something flashed through my mind. My love _earned_ his spot with them? What?

"Who wants to kill her?" Dimitri asked all of them. They all had hesitation on their faces except Darcy and Mark. They both raised their hands. Derek and Joseph still seemed unsure. Dimitri looked disappointed.

"Now listen, I've met Rose personally and she is a tough one. She will strive to fulfil her mission no matter what it takes. She's stubborn, but she's strong. That's why she has to die. Otherwise, she could destroy us." In a way, he was complimenting me, but it was all for a horrible cause. I was surprised that they didn't even question him about knowing me personally. Wait. What? He said that he knew me personally? He _did_ remember me?

The indecision went away from the Elders' faces. They all raised their hands.

"Ok then. The decision is final. We will kill her." Derek said while nodding at Dimitri.

"But remember, she has one day, to say her final prayers before we execute her. That is, if prayers could actually save her. Plus we need the time to plan out her torture before she dies." Dimitri announced. Everyone around the room snickered. All the Elders nodded. Torture? I was going to be tortured? I thought that I already had enough from my true love turning Strigoi and wanting to kill me!

"Everyone is dismissed." Derek shouted. I felt like I was in a court room. I was gagged again and the bag was put onto my head.

Great. I was going to die. My last day would just be me, sitting on a chair in an empty room in darkness, struggling to cry for help. No-one could help me now.

I was being dragged back to the room. I was still weak. How much blood did Mark drink from me?

They sat me back onto the chair. I was losing hope. I just stayed in the chair and cried for such a long time. It felt like hours. It was also hard to breathe, my nose was all sniffly plus I couldn't breathe from my mouth because of the rag.

…

The door burst open and I heard someone coming in. A strong smell surrounded me. The smell of leather and aftershave.

"It's ok Roza." He whispered. I didn't have time to think before he picked me up over his shoulder and ran as fast as he could. The wind blew the bag off my face.

We were in a corridor. I lifted my head up weakly and Strigoi guards were chasing after us.

"I told you we shouldn't have trusted him so quickly!" I heard one of them say. What did _they_ know about trust anyway?

We burst threw another door and we were outside. It was still night. We were in a forest and I couldn't see the Strigoi chasing after us anymore. I was still baffled. What was happening? Was I already dead? Why was I flying?

"Everything's going to be fine Roza, I promise." My captor whispered to me. I slowly fainted. Again. Damn.

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	7. What?

**Chapter 7!!! Hope you like it!!!**

**DISCLAIMER: Characters etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**-Deni**

* * *

I looked around me. I was in a room. Just lying on the floor. The rag had been taken out of my mouth. How did I get here? Then I saw _it_. I knew what I had to do. I was still weak, my head was screaming at me, but I had to force myself to pull out my strength. Dimitri's soul _had_ led me to his Strigoi self. I secretly thanked his ghost in my mind.

There _he_ was. In front of me again. It was now or never. He didn't see me and I tried to sneak up on him. Oh boy was I wrong.

"Roza… I knew you would eventually get to me. It's like we're destined to be together and nothing can tear us apart." He said, turning to look at me with a happy expression but sadness was in those red… eyes of his.

He paused and waited for me to talk. I was lost for words. I came to kill him and I was going to do it. After my long silence which seemed like hours, maybe even days, but was probably a matter of seconds, Dimitri spoke again.

"Please don't be afraid of me Roza… my dear Roza. I can't go a day without thinking about you…" Dimitri said with an honest look on his face.

I finally broke my vow of silence and found my voice.

"I'm not. You're a killer. I've come to do what I promised to do to the man that I loved." I said very confidently. He looked extremely hurt.

"What do you mean by _loved_? Don't you still love me?" He finally said after a long pause.

"You're not my Dimitri. I lost my Dimitri and I've come to gain redemption. I have to…"

"You have to kill me?" Dimitri cut me off. No. This Strigoi cut me off. This monster.

"Listen. We can do this the easy way. Or the hard way." I said putting on that odd guardian tone again and putting my hands on my hips.

"I'm not going to fight you Roza. I don't _want_ to hurt you." He said it so honestly that something in me lit up.

"What do you mean? Aren't you just another one of those bloodthirsty sons of a bitch's?" I asked looking quite startled.

"Looks can be deceiving." Then he gave me that smile that made my heart go wild. I wanted to hug and kiss him right then and there. But I had to stop myself. What was I thinking? This was probably some mind game. I lost my temper. I had to get this done.

"You never answered my question. But I guess I'll answer it for you. We'll do this the hard way." I said in a very serious tone. Dimitri looked surprised.

I used that as my opening to attack. He was off guard but as soon as he saw me coming, he dodged me. He was extra fast.

"Damn it." I mumbled to myself. He chuckled. I was so embarrassed.

He still knew my moves. Shit. What was I going to do now? I reached for my stake, but before I could bring it out, Dimitri moved extremely fast and closed the space between us. The scene was very intimate. Too intimate.

Then out of nowhere, he kissed me. I was too shocked to pull away. The kiss consumed me. Suddenly, memories came flooding back to me. All the secret kisses we used to have back at the academy. I realised how I much I had yearned for his kiss… his touch…

Then it felt like I got smacked in the face by another thing I realised. I was kissing a Strigoi. A Strigoi!!! What the fu-

He pulled away and stared at me with… hungry eyes and he had a huge grin on his face. I knew at that moment that he still… wanted me at least. That was a complete shock to my system… I think I almost fainted. I thought he forgot about the stuff between us. Dimitri caught me before I fell over. Was there a chance that my one and only true love was still in there somewhere?

I started to gain consciousness and Dimitri was sitting next to me as I lay on the ground. What in the world just happened?

"Roza, you're awake." He said, sounding relieved.

Before I could speak, he cut me off.

"Listen Roza. I don't know why or how, but I still love you. I still love you with every part of me." He said caringly.

My jaw dropped open. I quickly closed it when I realised how awkward I felt. The man of my dreams still loved me…The man of my dreams who was now my enemy…

I was about to speak, but he cut me off again! This was getting annoying.

"Plus, you must be weak from not eating enough food again." He knew me too well, only he was slightly wrong, I was also weak from a loss of blood. He let out a sigh. Then he continued.

"Roza. I've killed so many people. I'm so ashamed of myself but I can't control my hunger for killing. Then that one time where I wanted to take my last glance at the academy, and I saw you, my mind remembered everything in a second. You're pretty hard to forget!" He said the last part, trying to sound funny. It didn't work on me. His face got serious again and he continued.

"But when I saw you, I also felt that something changed inside of me. My hunger for killing… somehow disappeared. As soon as I left you, which was very hard to do, the hunger came back."

I was stunned. Was he saying that I was kind of like an antidote to his poison? He took my expression as something funny. He started to crack up.

"Oh my dear Roza. How I've missed you."

He started to come closer to me and tried to hug me. I flinched and backed away as fast as I could. He looked hurt and disappointed.

"Roza, I know this is hard to believe…" He began.

"But I think… no… I know… that I'm still the same man that you fell in love with. I'm still me. I'm still Dimitri... At least when you're around." He said the last part in a way and it seemed like he was suggesting something.

Oh crap.

"Roza." He said in such a caring and loving tone that I just… broke down…

Tears started to fall down my cheeks. He moved his hand slowly and held my face in his hand while wiping away tears. I couldn't believe what was happening. My Dimitri was still inside of this monster. I didn't know what to do. My heart wanted to just kiss him with all my love but my brain was telling me to back away. I guess the indecision showed in my face.

Without further ado, Dimitri crashed his lips into mine and we began to passionately make out. It felt so right. The heck with what my brain said! It's time that I followed my heart!

His right hand was in my hair and by the way he was touching it, I knew that he missed it. I just held on to him with my arms around his torso. I broke away and laughed for a bit, he smiled one of his cute smiles at me. Heck he always had cute smiles! We continued to make out and his left hand was on my back while his right hand resumed its position.

We eventually and reluctantly had to break free for air. We really drowned each other out. We were gasping for air and Dimitri put his hand on my cheek. As soon as he touched it, I got an electricity shock throughout my body. He used to do that to me all the time. It proved once and for all… this _was_ my Dimitri… well kinda… I hoped so… it wasn't really definite.

"I love you Roza. Always have. Always will. Forever." Dimitri whispered into my ear while hugging me into his chest tightly.

Crap. I had come here to stake him. I was so confused with a mix of different emotions flooding through me. What was I going to do now?

* * *

**Haha... i'll leave the suspense killing you! What will Rose do next???**

**:P**

**I might take a little while to update the next few ones, but if you review, i will write faster!!!**

**But i promise that when i have the time, i'll post 3 new chapters in a row! WOO!**

**Please Review!**


	8. Together at last

**This is pretty much the same as before but there are a couple of changes, so still read it. :)**

**Thanks so much for your requests for a sequel as well, i will get right to it... well in making the plans for it... lol?**

**DISCLAIMER: Characters etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**-Deni**

* * *

Dimitri looked at me lovingly but slowly looked disappointed as he waited for my response. I had no idea what to say, or do. I was finally with my soul mate, after so long, and nothing came to mind. I was so confused. Until he spoke again.

"Be with me Roza. I can't live without you. And if I did, the Strigoi inside of me would take over the man that you love." Dimitri said looking very serious at me.

"But… how?" I asked with tears in my eyes. When did I become such a cry-baby? Oh yeah, when my heart got ripped out, then it formed back again, only to be ripped out another time. This process repeated itself non-stop. I was too damn emotional these days. Damn my female hormones.

"We'll work things out." He replied confidently.

"How exactly?" I looked at him hysterically.

"I don't know right now but if we both try hard enough, I know we can do it. I don't want to throw away our love Roza, I want to embrace it." Dimitri was looking me in the eyes, waiting for my response. Every second he waited and I didn't respond seemed to stab him in the heart. If he still had a heart. Well… it wasn't beating anymore. Was it?

"Ok… Dimitri… we'll find a way. I love you too…. And I never stopped." I said as truthfully as I could, but I still had some doubt. He looked so relieved and his face filled with joy. The sadness left his face completely.

Hang on one second! He wasn't asking me to 'join him'? He wanted to be with me, even though I was still a dhampir and he was a Strigoi? That's when it hit me.

My Dimitri was definitely still here.

My face lit up with the most joy that I hadn't had in several weeks.

He looked at me like I was the most treasured thing to him. I probably was. We loved each other too much. It might have been unhealthy. After all, we would give our lives for each other in a second.

He pulled me into his warm arms and hugged me like there was no tomorrow. It seemed as though time froze in honour for us to stay like that, but he finally and reluctantly pulled away. I was disappointed. I wanted to stay like that forever.

"Roza. We have to get out of here." He said looking at me then looking around the room.

The room was empty. There wasn't anything interesting about it.

"Where are we anyway?" I asked him, giving him a curious look. My memory came back to me. He rescued me and brought me here. Where the hell were we?

"This is an apartment I rented in case we needed to escape the academy due to an emergency, but I never used it. But, we can't stay here, I never payed rent and I don't want to make the landlord angrier." He put his finger to his mouth, suggesting keeping our arrival a secret. Dimitri's cheeky side was showing, I liked it. He looked so cute. I giggled like a little school girl. Wait. I was a little school girl. Wait. No I wasn't. I was 18 now. I was finally a young adult. A huge grin swept across my face. Dimitri grinned back, oblivious of what I was thinking about, but did anyway. He was so nice. I was the luckiest girl in the world. God, I loved him.

"Where are all your belongings?" Ugh, smart Rose. It's such an obvious answer.

"They're back at that old warehouse with Strigoi." He said with a dark mood coming onto him again. I didn't like this dark mood. It reminded me of Lissa when she had a dark mood sweep over her and it made her do crazy things.

"Then I suppose, you don't want to go back and get them?" I joked, trying to lift the mood. It worked. He laughed. God, he was so gorgeous.

"Of course I don't. I don't want them anyway. They remind me of what happened there." He sounded happy at first but then serious on the last sentence. I was worried.

"Dimitri, what happened?" I asked him, with puppy dog eyes.

"Roza, I don't think you want to know…" He said with sadness creeping over him.

"It's ok. Tell me." I said to him while putting my arm around his shoulders.

"Ok. Where do I start?" He gave a small chuckle but then his face was filled with 'seriousness' again.

"From the beginning, probably." I answered, trying to steer the conversation into a lighter mood. He laughed again.

"You know what, how about I tell you on the way to a better place?" He looked around the room and got up from the floor.

"Alright, where?" I picked myself up from the floor as well.

"Well I'm guessing that you're hungry. I know a place that serves food at this hour."

"Really? What place?" There was a place that served food this late? Wait, it was 6am… so… this early?

"McDonalds." He smiled. Of course.

It was still dark so I guessed that we could go out without Dimitri being burned from the sun. We'd have to be quick. However, he'd have to hide once we were there. We wouldn't want any humans to be suspicious.

Ok… so I was heading to a fast food store, after having my blood sucked by a weirdo at a warehouse causing me to be weak. I was going with my 'ex' soul mate that then became 'like' that weirdo who has now become my 'mate' again… well he doesn't have a 'soul' does he?

Yeah… my life is complicated, but kinda funny in a way…?

* * *

**It's kind of like, she's trying to look at the brighter side of things... **

**She's finally with her Dimka again after all!!!**

**:D**


	9. Awe

**I'M BACK FROM MY HIATUS! WOOO!**

**Anyway, here's the long awaited Chapter 9! I hope you like it. :3**

**DISCLAIMER: Characters and etc. belong to Richelle Mead. Except for my own little plot here.**

**- Deni**

* * *

He opened the door, like a gentleman, and I walked through. I looked back at him as he locked the door quietly. We walked along the corridor to the staircase that led to the door that would lead us to the outside of the building.

I couldn't believe it. I was with my Dimitri again, just like old times. Oddly enough, even though he was Strigoi, it felt normal, it felt ordinary. I couldn't believe what I was thinking. Being with a Strigoi felt normal! But this was no ordinary Strigoi.

It was my Dimitri. And it felt _right._

We walked down the stairs quietly… reminding me of how I felt when I used to sneak out after curfew at St. Vlad's. I suddenly stopped midway my journey down the stairs. Dimitri realised my abruptness, and looked back at me with worry.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I just… " I wasn't entirely sure if I could trust Dimitri yet… but I shook my feeling of uncertainty when I studied him. Sure, some of his features were different, but I knew in my soul, that this was still the man I loved. "I just miss the Academy…"

"And Lissa," He said, seeming to read me like he was always able to. I nodded, a bit reluctantly, and finally continued descending the staircase.

"Once we figure things out with each other… we'll figure things out with her. Alright?" He turned back to me at the bottom of the staircase, putting his hands on my shoulders, giving me a squeeze of reassurance.

"Alright."

The street was empty if it weren't for a few cars going by every now and then. We stepped outside, the cold early morning air whipping us in the face.

I shivered and in less than a second, Dimitri's familiar duster was around me.

"Won't you be cold?" I asked him, giving him a worried look.

"I'll be fine." He smiled. Then a sudden thought hit me.

"Wait, how are you going to walk around in public? The red eyes and pale chalky skin don't really scream 'I'm not suspicious'," His brow furrowed as he tried to come up with a solution, deep in thought.

"Hmmm." He said.

"Hmmm?"

"Hmmm."

"Maybe we can find you some sunglasses." I said, feeling proud of my idea.

"Maybe… if we can find any stores open this early." His logic shot my pride down. I surveyed the street. Old-fashioned looking buildings were on both sides of the street, with no signs of shops anywhere: an ordinary girl's nightmare. However, I was not an ordinary girl, but in our case… I shared the nightmare as well.

"So, you rented an apartment that isn't near _any _shops?"

"The apartment was only for emergencies Rose. I had to find something simple and not expensive, and in a secluded area… this was the best option."

"Ah right… sorry." My frustration cooled down. He smiled, knowing of my understanding.

"But uh, where are we exactly? Are we still in Montana?"

"We're in a small town near Missoula."

"I don't suppose there's enough time to go to the shops there?"

"The sun's coming up soon, so I don't think so."

"Damn sun." I sighed heavily.

"Rose, don't curse." I started to protest but he shushed me, then looking away, muttered some things in Russian with a smile on his face.

"What, what, what?"

"Nothing," He grinned.

I heard the jingling of keys from a building not so far away from us, but with Dimitri's Strigoi hearing, he sensed the noise way before me. A woman was coming out of one of the old-fashioned buildings, most likely her home, and looked like she was going out for a morning jog. She had black sunglasses on.

I smiled, an idea forming in my head. However, as I told Dimitri my idea, he cocked an eyebrow. It was an expression that he used to do; back when he and I were just 'Mentor and Student', whenever I said something, 'out of the ordinary'.

"Rose, I am _not _going to compulse her."

"Come on comrade! We need those sunglasses. The way I see it, it's the only choice we have." I looked back at the woman; she was heading our way, but still out of ear-shot. Dimitri paused, seeming to study me for a while, studying my features. The love I felt from his eyes made me want to melt into a pool of jelly. He smiled a sad smile.

"I missed that nickname," He sighed. "Fine, I'll compulse her."

As she was about to pass us, Dimitri spoke, making her stop abruptly. She turned towards him, her eyes dazed.

"I need your sunglasses." Dimitri said coolly, his voice sounding like velvet against my skin. Even though the compulsion wasn't directed at me, I could feel the allure of his voice. The woman took her sunglasses off and handed them to him.

"Anything else?" She asked, seemingly willing to do absolutely anything for him. In the back of my mind, it occurred to me that seeing Dimitri do this, felt _really _weird, making me start to regret making him use compulsion. I'd always pictured Dimitri as a dhampir in my mind, even after he turned, trying to remember how he was the dhampir that I'd known so well and fell in love with… but now, knowing that he really was a Strigoi, and yet was still himself… man it was confusing.

"Forget that you saw us. You dropped your sunglasses during this morning jog, but you're going to buy another pair later. Now, go." The woman nodded and went off, jogging along the path, away from us.

"I hope I never have to see you use compulsion again." I admitted to Dimitri, shivering at what I just witnessed.

"I hope I never have to use it again." His voice showed no annoyance but his face turned grim. I assumed that he was replaying memories of being a Strigoi, making me feel guilty.

"I'm… I'm sorry that I made you do it." I looked down, ashamed to look him in the eyes. He tilted my chin up gently with his right hand, smiling warmly, no doubt trying to cheer me up.

"Roza, it's ok, and look, we've got the sunglasses." He put them on and smiled again. I couldn't help but giggle a bit.

"Comrade, we are _so_ lucky. They're Prada."

"Yes Rose, we are." He smiled, triggering a smile of my own, knowing the meaning behind his words.

We continued to walk to a McDonalds that we had otherwise never had heard of until we saw street signs pointing the way.

Again, I was struck by awe at how ordinary everything seemed to be… Just me and Dimitri going to McDonalds to get a bite. The sun wasn't going to rise for at least another half an hour. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt lucky.

We finally made it to the parking lot and McDonalds was in sight with its signature 'M' lit up and only two customers I could see inside. I could feel myself grinning.

Suddenly, Dimitri stopped and turned to me.

"Rose, I need to stay out here. You can go get yourself something to eat. I'll be waiting." He caressed my cheek and then sat down on the side of the parking lot.

"Alright." I didn't want to leave him there, but I knew it was for the best. Sure, he hadn't wanted to suck the blood out of me when he saw me, but I wasn't too sure about his control over his blood thirst for other people yet.

I walked into McDonalds. It felt empty and really, it was, but the Guardian senses branded into me made me check the place out. There was a woman, business-like, sitting at a booth eating a muffin while reading a newspaper, probably someone that had to always get up early for work. The only other customer, besides me, was sitting across the room, picking at his fries. I couldn't see what he looked like, but he also seemed to be some sort of businessman.

I sighed, nothing was all too exciting in here… but then again, what really was, was outside waiting for me. The thought of Dimitri waiting and pacing about or rubbing his hands in the cold, lifted my spirits. But wait, did Strigoi _feel _cold?

I shrugged to myself mentally and ordered a Big Mac meal with a Diet coke and large fries from the older woman at the counter, looking like she wanted to be anywhere else but there. As I waited for my order, I looked back at Dimitri, a lone figure sitting in the parking lot.

He'd put on the Prada sunglasses.

And I couldn't help myself giggling just a _little _bit. I mean maybe Strigoi Dimitri wouldn't turn out to be that bad; after all, it would probably take a million years to get the dhampir Dimitri to wear _female Prada sunglasses_.

I finally got my order and met Dimitri outside, still sitting on the side. I sat beside him and started pigging out on my Big Mac.

"So… can you tell me now?" I mumbled between bites.

"About my time as a Strigoi?" He sighed, but then laughed at me and nodded.

"When Samuel awakened me…" His voice trailed off as he looked at my confused expression. Then it hit me. Samuel was the blonde Strigoi, the one that I had wanted to kill, ever so badly. He was the one who wanted to kill off the last Dragomir. I couldn't let him do that. Ever.

"It's fine Dimitri. Go on." I urged him. He continued.

"Everything went dark and I blacked out. The last thing I remembered was seeing you running away. I was so worried about you, but I was glad that you got away." He gave me a sad smile.

"When I woke up –"

* * *

I was speechless.

The things Dimitri had to go through… the things he had faced and conquered.

All I could do was lay my hand on his shoulder and give him a firm squeeze. He finally looked at me, sighing contentedly after telling me everything… sparing me specific gruesome details but getting out all the main events so I was still in-the-know.

But even so, knowing the reality of his situations… I couldn't help but tear up.

"Roza… thanks for listening." He smiled, "You don't know how long I've waited to get this off my chest."

"Dimitri, you're more than welcome." I pulled him into a hug and held him tight, wiping away tears.

"Get your filthy hands off each other." A sudden blunt voice spat at us. Dimitri and I immediately pulled away, taking in the short man standing haughtily in front of us. My right arm was still on Dimitri's back though, and I could feel him tensing up, like getting ready to pounce. I squeezed his shoulder as a warning. For all we knew, we didn't want Dimitri going on any killing sprees, no matter how it was when he was with me.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Brad. Brad Whittaker."

I finally realised who he was. He was the businessman in McDonalds eating his fries. But now, I could see his face.

Which had a golden tattoo inked onto his right cheek.

* * *

**WOOO! Please review!**

**I SHALL update if you do! ;D**

**Well at least 5 - 10 reviews will keep me going. :P ;)**

**And yeah... LAST SACRIFICE WAS FH^$%^R&^ AWESOME.**

**P.S. with the 'skipping Dimitri's big emotional speech' part... yeah, i did that coz i'm going to put up Dimka's POV after all, in another 'story' though... so you'll be seeing it re-posted soon!**

**Coz well... i wrote a heck lot from his POV and i don't want it to go to waste! xD**

**And i shall also continue his POV up until he meets Rose again. :)**

**Consider it a Dimka Spin-off! :D**


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